Consequences: No Man Is An Island

I considered myself a loner for a large part of my life. Frequently finding myself in situations where I felt little in common with the people around me, I retreated into my head. It was the one place I truly felt at home, an inner world whose idiosyncratic topology was mine to explore. Yet I wasn't fundamentally a hermit-like introvert. Participatory by instinct, I would sit on the sidelines of groups, appreciating the company but never feeling part of what was going on.

I tried to rationalise my situation. I told myself that I was the "strong but silent" type: an observer, an anthropologist, a seeker of innate truth. The fact is, I lacked sufficient confidence to join in. Something within me held back. I revealed little of myself, so there was nothing that people could get a grip on to pull me closer into their circle. I know now that there's no strength in silence. You are who you are, best say it loud and proud.

Over the past few years, I've loosened up, let go, started to trust more - both myself and others. I've always been rather suspicious of those who want to join groups: to quote SPK, how can you be scene and not herd? I think I fear surrender, dilution, the loss of my individuality. However, the past few years have revealed this to be a rather misguided anxiety. If you're in danger of losing yourself, you've simply joined the wrong group of people.

This is the opening post in an online game of Consequences. Each successive entry begins with the closing lines of its predecessor. Entries are 250 words long and linked thematically. The running order was decided randomly and the entire series is as follows:

• 2 - Entire Of Itself (Dick Jones' Patteran Pages)
• 3 - A Part Of the Main (Porous Borders)
• 4 - To Belong (The Middlewesterner)
• 5 - Be-longing (The Magpie Nest)
• 6 - Expats, or: La Vie En Rosé (Blaugustine)
• 7 - Ex-Hale (Small Change)
• 8 - No Contest (Via Negativa)
• 9 - Consequences (The Cassandra Pages)
• 10 - Consequences (3rd House Journal)
• 11 - Consequences (Mole)
• 12 - Follow The Consequences (Ivy Is Here)
• 13 - Consequences 13 (The Magpie Nest)
• 14 - A Blessing Of Butterflies (Velveteen Rabbi)
• 15 - One To The Infinite Power (Hydragenic)

Posted by Hg on Monday 08 June 2009 at 15:10.
Received 13 comments so far.

If you're in danger of losing yourself, you've simply joined the wrong group of people.

Well-said. :-)

Comment by Rachel Barenblat on Monday 08 June 2009 at 15:23.

Thanks. Let's hope Dick thinks so!

Comment by Hg on Monday 08 June 2009 at 15:34.

Is there some Melvillism to "findamentally"?

There are those who would offer that the fact your rationalization is weakening shows you're selling out. Our philosophies are laden with our presuppositions, though, so I can't debunk that.

Comment by Daniel Black on Tuesday 09 June 2009 at 00:47.

Heh, missed that one. Corrected now - thanks.

Selling out? Someone is supposed to offer me money?

Comment by Hg on Tuesday 09 June 2009 at 07:07.

What a great beginning! And the two follow-ups are making this into quite an intriguing adventure.

Comment by Marja-Leena on Wednesday 10 June 2009 at 17:40.

Thanks Marja-Leena. Agreed, it's always fascinating to see how people frame and phrase their own Consequences post. I have absolutely no idea how I'll be approaching the eventual concluding post, I'm sure it'll be influenced by what I read on the other contributors' blogs along the way.

Comment by Hg on Wednesday 10 June 2009 at 18:24.

I agree---a great beginning! How did you choose it? Also, the one who starts the story also concludes the story? A friend and I want to start our own because of yours.

Comment by wmc on Wednesday 10 June 2009 at 20:48.

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. The shadowy cabal of online friends with whom I'm playing this game agreed that the theme of "the individual within a group" would run through all of the posts. My own post above summarises my thoughts on, and experiences of, this fascinating subject over the past couple of years.

Credit where credit's (belatedly) due... this game was inspired by previous games that I've participated in on An Unreliable Witness (2002) and Troubled Diva (2005). In this particular instance of the game I proposed that I should write the first and last posts, so all of the other players get a chance to do a single post that both begins with an incoming sentence and passes off to the next participant.

Comment by Hg on Wednesday 10 June 2009 at 21:08.

Very impressive selection of writers. Such an evocative project.

Comment by Zhoen on Sunday 21 June 2009 at 19:14.

Thanks Zhoen, glad you're enjoying it.

Comment by Hg on Monday 22 June 2009 at 07:22.

Sorry for my late response - sometimes I think I've commented somewhere and then find it was only in my mind!

The whole of your first paragraph could be about me, precisely. And that last sentence is very apt too. Now I'm looking forward to your final contribution to this stimulating game. Thanks for starting us off on it.

Comment by Natalie on Wednesday 24 June 2009 at 18:17.

How quickly the end has come around. Seems like only five minutes ago that we started this.

Comment by Hg on Thursday 25 June 2009 at 07:53.

This is a great entry and I can identify with a lot of what you've said.
I will read an entry a day.
"No Man is an Island"...
;-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcEpEgenQwU

Comment by spaewaif on Wednesday 29 July 2009 at 04:38.

Two separate anti-spam systems protect this blog. Once in a blue moon something gets through and I remove it immediately. If you write a genuine comment but link to a commercial site in an attempt to improve your traffic, I might let your comment stand but will remove the link.

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