The Only Thing To Fear...

charms. sweet angels - you have made me no longer afraid of death.

My greatest fear used to be death. All other fears (nuclear holocaust; losing my wife, family or close friends; becoming ill) were merely a variation of this basic theme. I feared death because it meant change. The death of my grandparents would be a reminder that things don't go on forever, everything has a natural lifespan. The death of my parents - hopefully many years from now - will be the end of the one constant source of unconditional love available to me. My own death was black, unknown, terrifying; a surrendering of ego too monstrous to comprehend.

Over the past few years, life itself has changed. My grandparents died over a period of several years and I discovered that although I couldn't see them any more, the memories were as alive as ever. Family and friends have been through serious illnesses, upsetting in some cases and harrowing in others, but out of the despair came calm strength. Nieces and nephews keep appearing and watching them grow provides a source of - there is no other phrase for it - sheer joy. A friend died - someone inspirational enough and vivacious enough for it to matter, yet not quite close enough for it to be heartbreaking - and I finally saw death for the merely mechanical process that it is. Then September 11th: appalling, outrageous, terrible, but a reminder that life is precious and there's no time to spare.

That boyfriend-of-an-undertaker thing that I posted a few weeks ago says it best. In acknowledging the proximity of death, we treasure life. I am no longer afraid of death. I value death. It reminds me that I have to enjoy life. Now my greatest fear is not realising my potential - for whatever - while I'm alive. I'm hoping that's not quite the same thing.

Yes, thinking about Big Themes at the moment. What do you fear most?

Posted by Hg on Saturday 29 June 2002 at 23:19.
Received 3 comments so far.

Leaving no mark whatsoever.

Comment by Caroline on Sunday 30 June 2002 at 19:41.

Sorry to be hackneyed, but: Fear Itself. As a non-driver and non-swimmer with a terrible head for heights, I am quite big on Fear.

However, just before hitting the comment button, something else occurred to me:

All my fears are of a physical, practical nature. I seem to have no metaphysical fears whatsoever.

I have just realised this, and find this realisation strangely comforting. I beat myself up over my vast abundance of Fears rather too often...

(wanders off, lost in thought)

Comment by mike on Monday 01 July 2002 at 08:52.

i fear losing my family, i want to go before all of them...

but i think my biggest fear is anyone in my family, my sister, my mum, my dad and my husband feeling lonely or afraid.
i know we all feel lonely or frightened at one point or another..

but i think that's the worst feeling.. to just feel so lonely and sad.
i would hate for my sister or parents to ever feel like that. and sometimes i worry that my husband has fears locked away that he can't talk about.
so i guess that's what i fear most.

them feeling lonely and scared
.

Comment by jahv. on Monday 01 July 2002 at 11:20.

http://www.hydragenic.com/cgi-sys/cgiwrap/hydragen/mt/mt-tb.cgi/105

The previous post was Aaleila.

The next post is Fear Revisited.

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